10/22/11-4 weeks
Today we found out our prayers had been answered, today we
found out that you would be here in nine months, today we found out that our
lives were going to change forever. Today we have so many emotions
running through us; we are excited, we are scared, we don't know what is going
to happen next, fear (a lot of fear). I am already praying for you, I am
already worrying about you. I can only hope to be the best mommy that I
can be to you. I hope you are safe and healthy in there. My
promise to you is to do everything in my power to keep you safe and healthy and
happy. I love you already and I only found out about you less than 10
hours ago. I can't wait to see your face and meet you. Love your
mommy.The morning that I took the home pregnancy test it was early in the morning and I asked your daddy to come and look at the results with me. I looked first and saw one solid line and a not so pretty much faded second line, your daddy told me it was 1 and half lines. So he said before we get too excited let’s get a second test that is easier to read. So I was off to Wal Mart and bought one of the tests that read pregnant if you are pregnant and not pregnant if you’re not. When I got home I took the test again and what was supposed to take 5 minutes to show results took about a minute and a half. The result was pregnant!! After I told your daddy the first thing out of his month was well now I am really going to be broke and please don't get fat.
10/27/11-5 weeks
I bought you, your
very first pair of shoes today they are little moccasins just like your daddy
and I wear. We are
praying for you every day that you are growing strong and big and health.
I am trying so hard to keep myself health and make sure I am not doing anything
that I shouldn't be doing. Your daddy and I haven't talked about you too
much yet because I think you are still hard thing to believe but I know I think
about you constantly and I know your daddy does to.
11/10/11-7 weeks
I was 7 weeks yesterday and I am
feeling great, no sickness or anything yet :) Just because of the lack of
signs of being pregnant it makes it really hard for mommy to believe that you
are in their growing. I can't wait tell I get to see and hear you.
I am also really really excited to tell your Grandma Mealhow about you. I
am so excited to see how she reacts. You first pair of moccasins should
be here tomorrow.
Only 5 more weeks and daddy and I get to see you for the first time.
Mommy is praying for you every day.
11/22/11-8 weeks
I sit here writing this with tears
in my eyes. I know a lot a people go through this but that doesn't make it any
easier. On Saturday night I went to the bathroom and noticed
a small amount of pink. In my paranoia I called my
private nurse my sister Becca to get her advice. She reassured me that
some spotting during pregnancy is normal and to calm down and just to watch
it. The next morning I woke up to a little bit more still trying to stay
positive I kept on like normal and went to church. During church I felt a
little more blood come. I called Becca again crying not sure
what to do what this meant I just had a feeling it was bad. She told me
to call my doctor’s office. I called the on call nurse and she said that
as long as it is still just a little bit and if I am not cramping or have a
fever then to just keep an eye on it. She said if it got worse or if I
started to bleed more then to go to the ER. There was no part of me that
wanted to go to the ER. The rest of the day I took it easier and every time I went to the bathroom I noticed a little bit more blood not a lot
more but a little bit more. I wasn't bleeding unless I was going to the
bathroom. Then once the evening came I started to get cramps but still I
wasn't too sure how serious the cramps were because they didn't feel like
normal cramps. It was probably just denial; I had also been pretty
emotional on and off all day. Jesse kept reassuring me that we don't know
what is going on yet so not to assume the worst, but I knew already. We
went to bed that night and my cramps were so bad that I couldn't lie down in
bed so I decided to sleep in the chair that night. It was a pretty
sleepless night and I was determined to make it to Monday morning so I could go
to my doctor and not the ER. Several times during the night I woke up
knowing I had to go to the bathroom but really not wanting to get up and go
because I knew if I went the blood would be worse. Finally I made it
to 6:30 in the morning and couldn't hold it any long and went to the bathroom
and I was right it was worse a lot worse. With tears in my eyes I crawled
into bed with Jesse and just cried, I knew what was happening and I am
sure he knew also what was going on but he held strong and told me to not
assume anything until we know for sure. I finally got through to the doctor’s
office and of course they wanted me to come in and get an ultrasound
done. We arrived at the doctor’s office and were called back to the
ultrasound room and I laid there looking at the ultrasound screen not know
what I was looking at or looking for. I could tell by the technician voice though that it wasn't good. Then she said it, she said that it
looked like I was going through a miscarriage. In a daze I got down put my
clothes back on and stood there waiting to be taken to another room to see
the doctor. Jesse hugged me and I started to cry, thank God we had a few
minutes alone to be with each other. The nurse came in and said something’s
then the doctor came in and said that I could either pass the
miscarriage naturally or I could have a procedure done. She said the
procedure would help get it over with fast and it would help get rid
of my cramping so we decided to have the procedure done because I was
in quite a bit of pain. The procedure was quick and I was asleep during it so thank
God I don't remember it, and now I feel empty, emotional, and
heartbroken. It is just so hard because after everything to get to this
point now all I feel is empty. I know my situation is pretty mild compared
to others but it is still mine and that doesn't make it any less easy for
me. I am encouraged that now I know that I can get pregnant at least so
maybe/hopefully that will make it easier once we try again.
