Thursday, February 26, 2015

Struggles

What do you do when you have been given a death sentence for your only child, when an innocent 2 year old who has never deserved such a fate now has that staring him in the face?  You are now put in a limbo land of waiting for your everything to pass away. So many questions I have so many awful thoughts; things I don’t want to think about run though my brain, things that will eventually be my reality.  Such emptiness I feel, my new reality being this, my whole world altered.  The reality that it will be most likely that I will have to sit back and watch my son’s life deteriorate in front of my eye.  

How do you let yourself be happy again, how to you move forward when all you feel is numbness and emptiness?  Is it okay to be happy again, is it okay to smile, and is it okay to have fun, is it okay to relax?  I am trying so hard to not ask the question why, trying so hard to not be angry or mad.  I want to plead with God to spare my babies life to heal his body to repair it, only he can. Do you believe in miracles at this point it’s the only hope I have left to hang on to. 

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